May-September Romances – Laws, Rules and Morals

Jan 8, 2011
Audrey Henderson

Men often seek younger women for romance. - trialsanderrors

Morals and social convention drive the disapproval often faced by couples where the partners are far apart in age. The law also sometimes becomes involved.

Rules about age differences in dating involve both morals and social convention. Terms like "cradle robber" and "jail bait" illustrate the disapproval often expressed toward couples where a significant age difference is involved. When potential romantic partners are too far apart in age, their different cultural reference points and life experiences often make it impossible to relate to one another in any meaningful way. There are also often legal consequences involved with relationships where significant age disparities exist.

Age of Majority vs. Age of Consent

In the United States, most minors are legally incapable of entering into contracts or giving consent. Laws prohibiting sexual contact with adults are designed to protect minors from being exploited. This is true even when the relationship is consensual for both parties. The age of consent varies by jurisdiction, but is often lower than the age of majority, which in nearly all states is 18-years-old.

Former teacher Mary Kay Letourneau served seven years in prison for child rape and was barred by the judge in her case from seeing her former student, Vili Fualaau, with whom she began a sexual relationship when he was 12-years-old. The ban was lifted after her release from prison, and the two were married in 2005, after he turned 21. Joey Buttafuoco was convicted of statutory rape in 1992 after revelations surfaced that he had been sexually involved with Amy Fisher when she was 16-years-old, following her arrest for shooting Buttafuoco's wife in a jealous rage.

The "Standard Creepiness Rule"

Society also sets informal limits on the acceptable age disparity between dating couples. One example is the "Standard Creepiness Rule." This tongue-in-cheek guideline first appeared in the online comic xkcd and has since made its way into popular culture references. The "Standard Creepiness Rule" states that the youngest acceptable age limit for a dating partner is half the age of the older partner, plus seven years. The age range of acceptable dating partners increases as the older partner ages, so that a partnership between a 50-year-old and a 30-year-old would be considered “creepy,” according to the "Standard Creepiness Rule." However, once the 50-year-old reaches age 55, it would be OK to pursue the same person, who would then be 35-years-old.

Many men push the limits of the "Standard Creepiness Rule," or ignore it altogether. The online dating service OKCupid reports that the lower age limit for acceptable dating partners set by men who use the dating service expands greatly as they age. For example, the median age range for acceptable dating partners for a 31-year-old man is 22 to 35, while the median age range for acceptable dating partners for a 42-year-old man is 27 to 45. No such disparity exists among females. Women of all ages who use OKCupid tend to seek men relatively close to their own ages as dating partners.

"Cougars" and "Sugar Daddies"

American society has traditionally been more accepting of relationships between older men and younger women than of relationships where the woman is older. This is true even when the man is much older. For example, 84-year-old Playboy mogul Hugh Hefner announced his engagement to 24-year-old Crystal Harris at the end of 2010 with barely a ripple of disapproval. Whatever emotional attachments are involved, such relationships often have elements of a business arrangement, with the older "sugar daddy" offering money and power while the woman trades on her youth and good looks.

High profile couples such as Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher have somewhat eased the taboos against older women dating and marrying younger men. One reason is that because of exercise, diet, and at times, a surgeon’s knife, older women often retain their looks and sexy figures well into their 40s and beyond. Many older women also have established careers and are financially secure. Like their older male counterparts, these older women often enjoy the company of attractive younger companions, as with the short-lived relationship between 52-year-old pop icon Madonna and 23-year-old model Jesus Luz, who split in early 2010. These "cougars" frequently seek younger male companions for fun and companionship, rather than security and marriage. Many younger men are happy to go along; some pursue older women themselves.

Rules for Teens

Engaging in serious romantic relationships before reaching emotional maturity can have serious repercussions for teenagers. Experts often advise parents to discourage both their sons and their daughters from engaging in sex. However, a double standard often exists when girls are told to abstain from sex, while boys are given a pass from taking responsibility for their conduct.

When there is a significant age gap between the ages of a dating couple, the situation becomes even more complicated. Legal consequences can occur when one of the teens in a dating couple reaches legal adulthood, especially if the couple is sexually active. The criminal court system can also become involved when sexual contact occurs between an older teen and a younger teen, even when both are minors.

21st Century Teen Cautionary Tales

Genarlow Wilson was 17-years-old when he was convicted in 2005 for aggravated child molestation because he engaged in consensual oral sex with a 15-year-old girl. He served more than two years of his 10-year sentence before being released by the Georgia Supreme Court in 2007 on the grounds that the sentence constituted cruel and unusual punishment. Wilson had earlier refused a deal offered by the prosecution for a lesser sentence because he would have been forced to register as a sex offender, precluding him from living in the same home as his younger sister.

German teenager Marco Weiss was also 17-years-old when he was arrested and jailed because of an encounter with a 13-year-old English girl, which occurred when both teens were on holiday in Turkey. The girl was a willing participant, and there was no actual intercourse involved. Weiss also claimed the girl told him she was 15, the legal age of consent in Turkey. After several months, Weiss was released on bail and allowed to return to Germany. He was convicted by a Turkish court in absentia at the age of 19, however, he was sentenced to probation and time served while awaiting trail. When the verdict was announced in 2009, both the prosecution and defense expressed the possibility of appealing the ruling.

References

ABC News/Primetime: Are More Older Women With Younger Men?
Answers.com: Age of Consent
AthensParent.com: Boy Crazy -- Dos and Don'ts for Parents
Avert: Worldwide Ages of Consent
CNN.com/US: Genarlow Wilson -- Plea Deal Would Have Left Me Without a Home
CNN.com/Living: Dating Downside of the Age Gap; Judy McGuire
Cornell University Law School: Marriage Laws of the 50 States, the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico
Der Spiegel Online: Marco Weiss Released on Bail
Der Spiegel Online: Turkish Romance Ends in Prison for German Teen; Carsten Holm
Deutsche Welle: German Teenager Given Suspended Sentence in Marathon Sexual Abuse Case in Turkey
The Free Dictionary: Statutory Rape
Hurriyet: German Teen Found Guilty of Sex Abuse in Turkey
Match.com Happen: Ask Dave -- How Much of an Age Difference Is Too Much?; Dave Singleton
MTV.com: Hugh Hefner and Playmate Crystal Harris Get Engaged; Aly Semigran
OKCupid: The Case for an Older Woman; Christian Rudder
Parentline: Dating -- Age Difference
PopDirt.com: Madonna and Jesus Luz Split Up, Age Difference Blamed
Seattle P-I: Letourneau Now Allowed to See Former Student
Seattle P-I: Letourneau Marries Fualaau Amid Media Circus
Seventeen: How to Deal with an Age Difference; Michelle Toglia
SexLaws.org: What Is Statutory Rape?
Time: Wilson’s Sentence Overturned; Michael Lindenberger
Today/MSNBC.com: "Long Island Lolita," Buttafuocos to Reunite
Today/MSNBC.com: Report -- Madonna, Jesus Luz Have Broken Up
Urban Dictionary: Half Your Age Plus Seven
xkcd: Standard Creepiness Rule
World Law Direct: Age of Majority
YouthRights.org: Analysis of U.S. Curfew Laws